17 December 2011

Let Your Heart Be Light

It is supposed to snow here this weekend. The locals keep telling us that it rarely snows in Belgium. So far it has snowed every year since we got here. This is our third winter.


We will not be here to see the weekend snowfall because we're going back to the States for Christmas! This will be the first time since our move and the first Christmas since 2008 that we have been in the States for Christmas. I know it will be a memorable time that I'm really looking forward to and to sharing some of those memories when we return.

So, have yourself a merry, little Christmas . . . let your heart be light.

16 December 2011

Scales of Stones


I was reading an article on the BBC website the other day and learned that the average British woman weighs 11st. Doesn't sound like much, does it?

11st. That's 11 stones.

A stone. Once the official measurement of weight used in Northern European countries before metrics and still used in the UK sometimes - obviously used currently to determine the average weight of a British woman. Some habits die hard.

Like the use of imperial measure in the U.S. The British, who started the whole thing, moved on like the rest of the world, but we Americans just can't let it go :-\

The stone was mostly used for agricultural purposes, but wasn't standardized until 1824. Prior to that a stone in London was 8 pounds while a stone in Scotland weighed 16 pounds.

I've been pretty happy with my weight in metrics. Kilos just sound so much better than pounds. A 100 pounds is only 45 kilos. How great is that?

Well, as great as it is, I'm now in the market for scales of stones. That 45 kilos is only 7 stones! Of course, I don't weigh a mere 7 stones, but still. It's all about perception.

Wondering what you weigh in stones?

14 December 2011

Killing Spree


You've probably heard we (and by "we", I mean Belgium) made the international news. A lone gunman left home yesterday morning with hand grenades, a pistol and a rifle. But first, he put a bullet in the head of his neighbor's cleaning lady, age 45.

He proceeded to the busiest square, Place Saint Lambert, in the city of Liége, threw 3 hand grenades and opened fire on a huge crowd killing 3 more people. Dead are 2 teens and a toddler, shot in the head. About 125 more are injured - 5 in intensive care.

Photo - Telegraph UK

The Christmas market that is held each year in Place Saint Lambert was delayed in opening yesterday because of bad weather. Otherwise it is likely more people would have been killed or injured. The rampage ended when the shooter put a bullet in his own head.

Liége is a city about a half hour south of Hasselt (where we live). It lies in the French-speaking part of Belgium and has a population of nearly 200,000.

The shooter was 33 years old. He was in the crowded square on this day because that's where the Palais de Justice (courthouse) is and because he was summoned for questioning by the police about charges he was facing. He apparently did jail time for firearms and drugs so this isn't his first brush with the law. Only his last.

As you may know, gun ownership in Belgium is very restrictive compared to many countries, including the U.S., and gun homicide rates are also very low in most all of Europe. So, having said that, the incident in Liége is quite rare.

There are many questions to be answered . . . with a criminal record, he is not allowed to own or possess a gun. How did he get the rifle, pistol and hand grenades? Where does anyone get a grenade?! I look forward to hearing the outcome of the investigation while realizing something like this really can happen to anyone, anywhere.

13 December 2011

The Spirit of Xmas


Every box of Christmas stuff we had when I was growing up was labeled "Xmas". Although I rarely write it, my mother wrote it on everything. You may know the origin of "Xmas", but in case you don't . . . it has nothing to do with robbing the word of its Christian origins. I've read that the whole thing stands for Christ's Mass. In fact, the "X" is simply the first letter in the Greek word for Christ - Χριστός.


No doubt you've seen this symbol if you've ever been in a Catholic or Protestant church,with the first and second letters of that same word, Χριστός, used as a symbol to represent Christ.

So, since Xmastime is here, I've been listening to Xmas songs. I love Xmas music. There are soooo many fantastic holiday songs (and a few that just won't go away :) like . . . The Little Drummer Boy. I really hate that song.

So, in the spirit of Xmas, here's one you'll recognize. Well, except that it's in Dutch. But it has tekst so you can sing along.


09 December 2011

We're only human


. . . and that should be enough.

In 1948, 10 December was designated to honor the United Nations General Assembly proclamation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Ironically and befittingly, this day was also chosen as the date for award of the Nobel Peace Prize presented each year in Norway. It is the anniversary of the death of Alfred Nobel who left much of his wealth for its establishment.

Alfred Nobel lived from 1833 to 1896 and was a Swedish chemist, engineer and inventor. He has numerous accomplishments to his name including 355 patents, the most famous for dynamite. The 5 Nobel Prizes are awarded to individuals with outstanding achievements in chemistry, physics, medicine, literature, and for work in peace.

Most have heard of the Nobel Peace Prize and would recognize many of its recipients . . . and we should. Among them are:

2001 - Kofi Annan (Ghana)
1979 - Mother Teresa (India)
1964 - Martin Luther King, Jr. (United States)

Perhaps you haven't heard of the Martin Ennals Award for Human Rights. Created in 1993, it is presented annually in Geneva, Switzerland to honor and protect individuals around the world who demonstrate exceptional courage in defending and promoting human rights.

Martin Ennals lived from 1927 to 1991 and was a British human rights activist. He served as Secretary-General of Amnesty International from 1968 to 1980. Coincidentally, Amnesty International was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1977.

It is quite possible you wouldn't recognize one name among the 18 recipients of the Martin Ennals Awards . . . but we should. Among them are:

2009 - Emad Baghi (Iran)
1995 - Asma Jahangir (Pakistan)

Great strides have been made since 1948 to make basic human rights a reality for all people. Some countries have been very progressive and I truly hope we will see the day when discrimination is a thing of the past.

The demand for basic human rights by ordinary people all over the world is profound, inspiring, and vital. The right to live in safety, to worship as you wish, to be accepted for who you are, free and protected is not a special right, it's a human right.

Tomorrow, December 10, do one thing for a better world. If you find yourself on a self-righteous high horse, get off.

08 December 2011

Tot ziens, Hannah


Hannah heads back to the States early in the morning.


It has been a pleasure to have her and we hope she comes back to see us again soon!

07 December 2011

Will I EVER Learn?


I've gotten really comfortable here. Even donning my velour warm-up and tennis shoes to walk the dog. Only early in the morning. When there's only a few people around. I think I'm over not becoming the "fashionista" I had once aspired to be.

This morning I woke up to a pretty good rain so decided to wait on the dog-walking event. Then the sun came out (sort of) and the rain stopped. I suit up and we're off. We get about 1.5 kilos (that's a mile for us 'mericans) away from home. Now that may not seem like very far, but it is. Basically from Tech exit to old Wilson Cafeteria/Barnett Springs Road.

Well, I'm (theoretically) at the Tech exit and I hear thunder and lightning. Really? In December? In Belgium? Me and the hondje begin to power walk as it begins to rain - hard (somewhere over I-20). Then we begin to sprint (about Starbucks) and I'm a very poor sprinter. I can't see one bridge, awning, nothing to duck under - it's a neighborhood.

Oh, and it's also freezing cold. Yes, the high today is 45F with 15 mph winds. So if that weren't enough, it begins to sleet along with the rain (somewhere about Lambright Center). Then the "sleet" becomes Mentos-sized and I realize it's actually hail (we're probably at JC Love Field now). We are being pelted with hail and my forehead is beginning to hurt.

Ironically, I encounter only three people in this 15 minute time-frame: one woman in raincoat with umbrella and 2 guys hanging on the back of the trash truck. Not one other Belg is out in this ridiculous weather.

I am sure I must have looked like a complete fool as I came up my street (Tech Drive), velour-soaked to the bone. I have a headache, can squeeze water out of my bra and have never been so glad to see my front door (aka Wilson Cafeteria). I swear I'm going to treat my paraplu like an American Express card . . . NEVER leave home without it.

06 December 2011

Soon the Bells Will Start


Are you singing "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas"?

This past Saturday we visited our local kringwinkels (secondhand stores) to check out the Christmas decorations. I got a few gift tags, an ornament, and a little bag with Sinterklaas and Zwarte Piet (that's Santa Claus and his helper, Black Pete). Although I didn't purchase one, I estimated there were no less than 100 nativity sets at one kringwinkel. I am probably underestimating. Big, small, wooden, ceramic . . .

Then on Sunday morning we went to the Tongeren Antique Market to look around. It was freezing cold and had been raining (imagine that) and we got a late start so many of the vendors were packing up. There are only a few who have Christmas items, but the one we found was all we needed to find. She had hundreds of ornaments. We had such a good time looking through these ornaments (despite my numb hands) that I'd like to go back next week.


All the ornaments in this particular booth were mercury glass. I've never known much about these kind of ornaments except that they are pretty and usually old. Once the lady at this booth saw our interest, she began to tell us about her collection. She spoke Flemish, but she spoke it very slowly and clearly and I was amazed that we could both understand nearly every word she said. It was so nice.

She showed us a book with pictures and descriptions of the very ornaments she had and told us the story of the Ajeko (Ajeco) glass ornament. There is a wide variety of shapes from Santas to bells to fish and mushrooms. I'd never heard of it before, but I came home and googled it and learned only a little more.

Here's how the story goes . . .

The Jezelin family of glass blowers immigrated from what is now the Czech Republic to Belgium and manufactured various glass objects - mostly for laboratories. As the war prevented the import of German Christmas ornaments, Alfred Jezelin expanded the business to produce ornaments and registered a patent for the glass hook, dated 8/27/1943.

Mr. Jezelin moved to Luxembourg in 1952 and founded Verrerie - Glasfabrik Gremoglas for the production of Christmas ornaments. For reasons unknown, production stopped and it was moved in 1954 to Euskirchen, Germany and that's about all I know, but I'm sure there's more to this story.


Anyway, I've never been a big fan of antiques or of breakable Christmas ornaments. We've had a few break from time to time, so I quit buying them . . . until now. We did buy a couple of the Ajeko ornaments because they are unique and were apparently made in Belgium. They also weren't too outrageously priced at €12 each.

I also learned a little more about mercury glass . . . it is glass blown double walled then silvered between the layers and sealed. Although mercury was originally used for mirrors, ornaments, etc., it was never used in tableware.

05 December 2011

Food for Thought


Since our move to Belgium more than 2 years ago, I have and continue to be fascinated with the openness of the European culture. I can't say I've formed an opinion one way or the other, but it seems the level of tolerance, or better yet, acceptance by the vast majority of Europeans, intrigues me. Now, don't get me wrong, they've got their share of racism and fear, but overall, I think they are broad-minded.

I am a child of the '60's and was raised in the South. I don't pretend to be as forward-thinking as many, but I like to think I'm open-minded because unlike some, I don't have all the answers :-|

When I come across an informative article that addresses any topic that indicates an opportunity to challenge my old-fashioned ways, it becomes food for thought for me. In this case, the facts (and they are facts) actually speak for themselves, but I think it's very possible we are a long way from being ready to hear them.

First, this is a post about an interview with a writer named Amy Schalet, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst. The article is entitled Mind Reading: What We Can Learn From the Dutch About Teen Sex. So, I guess if you're not interested in what we can learn from the Dutch about teen sex, you will not be interested in the rest of this post :)

It is surely one woman's opinion and some of it may even shock you, but the statistics are certainly worth re-reading to get a clear picture of how significant they are and they are not an opinion.

If you're still with me . . . I challenge you to read the interview, not from the perspective of being a parent (if you are one), but from the perspective of being the adolescent you once were.

Dr. Schalet received her Ph.D. in Sociology from the University of California, Berkeley and her Bachelor's degree in Social Studies from Harvard University. While that's impressive, it's the fact that she is American, but grew up in the Netherlands that first got my attention. As you know, the Netherlands borders Belgium and is the only other country that speaks the same language.

A quick reminder - Holland and the Netherlands are one and the same and the people who live there are Dutch.

* * * * * * * *

Mind Reading: What We Can Learn From the Dutch About Teen Sex
By Maia Szalavitz
Health Writer for Time magazine

Teen birth rates are eight times higher in the U.S. than in Holland. Abortion rates are twice as high. The American AIDS rate is three times greater than that of the Dutch. What are they doing right that we're not?


For starters, two-thirds of Dutch parents report allowing their teenage children to have sleepovers with their boyfriend or girlfriend, a situation even the most liberal American parents would rarely permit. Is there something Americans should learn from the Dutch about relaxed attitudes toward sex (and drugs — indeed, the Netherlands has more lenient drug laws than the U.S., but three times lower rates of marijuana use)?


Healthland spoke with Amy Schalet, author of Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens and the Culture of Sex, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.


What got you interested in the studying the differences between American and Dutch approaches to teen sexuality?


I was born in the U.S., but grew up in the Netherlands. When I moved back to this country at 21, I was stunned to find out that teen pregnancy was a problem in the U.S. Growing up, I had not known of anyone [getting] pregnant.


The other piece I'd noticed with my American friends is that there wasn't a lot of conversation between parents and teens about sexuality, and there was a lot of discomfort around the issue. It was handled very differently than what I'd seen in the Netherlands.


So, why do you think the Americans and the Dutch responded so differently to the sexual revolution?


A couple of pieces are important. One is that [the birth-control pill was] quickly disseminated in the Netherlands, starting in the '70s; teen pregnancy started to drop. There wasn't this association between teen sex and danger and lives ruined that we have in this country.


There's also a cultural piece. Coming out of the sexual revolution, the Dutch really decoupled sex from marriage, but they didn't decouple sex from love. If the first piece is that there weren't these immediate associations of teen sex with danger, the second is that it remained anchored in the concept of steady relationships and young people being in love.


There's a strong belief in the Netherlands that youth can be in love — boys as well as girls — that makes sex in many ways seem safer and more contained because it's embedded in a relationship.


It seems terribly sad to me that we view teenage love as being about "just hormones" and teen boys as incapable of being in love — but then we turn around and bemoan this culture of "hooking up," when we've basically given adolescents no space to actually have loving relationships.


I do think this is something that resonates with a lot of people. Every culture has those aspects of human [nature] they celebrate. And the U.S. celebrates individual development and freedom, so there isn't a good language for talking about social cohesion, whether between two teenagers or whether as society as a whole.


One of the things I really emphasize is the need for a better cultural narrative for talking about relationships and love that isn't just, Marriage is best. That is not appropriate for teens and we need to validate their connections and give guidance around that.


Instead, we tend to pathologize teen relationships as obsession, co-dependence, addiction.


I agree. It's become more popular to talk about teaching healthy relationships but a lot of that is about avoiding unhealthy relationships. Of course, that's important. But there's lots of attention to dating violence and very little talk about what it feels like to be in love. One of the things that always surprises people is that one of most popular Dutch sex education curricula is called 'Long Live Love.'


For boys, our culture devalues their impulse to love. But research shows that in the U.S., boys are quite romantic. Other research finds that for girls, recognition of sexual desire and wishes is taboo, so they have fewer tools to assess what's right for them. That makes things very difficult.


Do you think the more relaxed Dutch attitude toward drug use is associated with views on teen sex?


Yes. I argue that underlying the normalization of adolescent sexuality are certain concepts of the person and how people operate, and how to exert social control.


The expectation that a young person can know when he or she is ready [for sex] and can self-regulate is so contested [in the U.S.]. [The idea that teens can] pace themselves and take protective measures also pertains to the concept [in Holland] that it's possible for people to smoke marijuana without becoming heroin addicts.


Whenever we get into the idea that the Netherlands is so liberal and permissive, [we should] emphasize the aspect of social control as I do in the book. [Parents] are actually able to check out the boyfriend or girlfriend, and they only permit [sleepovers] when they like and have gotten to know them.


Many conservatives mistake my findings as being about: 'These are parents who just want to be friends with their kids, and parents have to be parents.' But a lot of Dutch parents [have homes where] dinner is 'at six and not a minute later.' They have a strong sense not that certain rules are to be obeyed, but that there are agreements that have to be kept. [In the U.S.] we're located between the dichotomy of, 'Either I'm in charge or someone else is.' We don't have the concept of a form of control that is more shared and modulated.


[The Dutch] say, 'We permit so we can control,' and that's also their attitude toward drugs and prostitution. It's worth pointing out that U.S. teens are more likely to use drugs than the Dutch, even though there are more liberal policies [in the Netherlands].


That idea of, 'It's actually a form of control,' is for most people in the U.S. counter-intuitive. But if you expect self-control and give people an opportunity to exercise it, you might get more of it.


Meanwhile, Americans seem to think that if people are left to their own devices, everyone will become alcoholics and addicts.


What's interesting about that is that there is a certain pessimism that underlies it. Something that did strike me when I came in early '90s to this country is that one of the differences in the aftermath of the sexual revolution is that Dutch society became a lot more secular.


What stood out to me was that so often [in the U.S.] people seemed to think you can only have morality and a strong social fabric if you believe in a higher authority, a God that would otherwise punish [people]. There isn't a belief that people are naturally cooperative, which lots of research suggests they are.


American parents also frequently brought up the [influence of] media, and that is different. In the U.S., portrayals of sex in the media are very unrealistic. It's very instrumental — people are using each other. There's a lot of sexualizing of young people in terms of portraying their bodies, but not portraying positive [relationships].


U.S. parents fear that sex is everywhere and they want to protect kids from it. I argue that you want to have a positive vision that you can lay out there, not a vision of keeping sex away from you. Because then, you have two options: either a very sensationalized unrealistic scoring type of mentality or no sex until marriage. Those are not two good alternatives.


So what can parents do? I know you talk about A, B, C and D. What does this stand for?


A is autonomy. A lot of times people do realize that adolescents are supposed to develop autonomy during that phase of life, but that doesn't get applied to sex, or it is interpreted narrowly as 'Just say no' or in adversarial terms.


Autonomy is the ability to discern inside what one feels in relation to sexuality to make choices, to exert what sociologists call agency in response to sexuality. Sexuality is a spectrum of behavior; it's not just one act. To use that sense of self-knowledge, and to develop that capacity for self-regulation and planning, and to be able to prepare for sex acts that require protection — that's the individual piece.


B is build good, positive relationships. We need more emphasis on healthy teen relationships: what does respect look and feel like, how do you build intimacy so it doesn't become this huge unrealistic fantasy that's very difficult to overcome if it doesn't work out? Research does show that when young people have more intimate positive relationships, they tend to have better first sexual experiences.


C is connectedness. It's possible to really challenge the assumption that teens and parents have to be at loggerheads. Connectedness between parents and teens is critical for teen well-being, not just sexually.


D is diversity. A lot of sex education doesn't recognize diversity around sex. I don't just mean differences in orientation, but differences in the pace at which young people develop and also the diversity in cultural values. It needs to be part of sex education that people have different values around sex and those are to be respected.


D is also disparities. I try to emphasize that sexual health problems are very much correlated with lack of resources and lack of good education and lack of access to health care. One of the reasons that the Netherlands has done so much better is that the poverty rate is a lot lower. The Dutch have scored highest on equity in access to health care, and they do a lot better in providing social services. If we want to promote adolescent sex health, we need to provide society with level resources.


Can you explain the idea of gezelligheid and how it plays into relationships between Dutch parents and teens?


It literally means 'cozy togetherness.' Like many words that denote a cultural state, it's very hard to translate because we don't have a real equivalent. It's like 'pleasant togetherness' or 'conviviality.'


What it refers to is the pleasure people are expected to take in each other's company, parents and children and also teens together in their peer group. There's a lot of intergenerational gezelligheid. The Dutch celebrate every birthday, whether 8 or 80, and you are expected to show up and enjoy it. The Dutch also devised policies to maintain it. They made part-time work easy for mothers and fathers, so there are policies that support family life.


Can we import some gezelligheid?


I [am] optimistic. When people know something is missing, they look for it. Just as we have a lack of language to talk about togetherness, there's also a desire for more of it, I think. When people see something in another culture that resonates inside, they think, I want that too. They might not have the same support, but that doesn't mean it isn't part of who we are or who we want to be.