Pigeonhole

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and it is all organized and run by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss and all of it is organized by the Italians.

Stereotypes. Many Americans (me included) are profoundly ignorant about geography, but by contrast, we sure know the stereotypes for most countries.

While most Europeans don't think all Americans are gun-totin', Bible-thumpin', conservative cowboys, they do find it incredible that many educated Americans don't know where Portugal is, can't speak at least one foreign language, and believe the Earth is 6,000 years old.

Since Europe isn't just one big country like the U.S., it's hard to say what Americans think of Europeans as a group, but with each separate country comes some interesting pigeonholes.

Can you guess the country strictly by these stereotypical words? Grab a pencil and see how you do.

1. tea - biscuits - stiff

2. cold - expensive - vikings

3. drugs - coffee - jungles

4. call centers - slums - everybody owns a little store

5. efficiency - leather pants - industrious

Try a few more?

6. hard workers - raw fish - smart

7. cuisine - wine - rude

8. carnival - logging - football

9. poor - tacos - moustaches

10. tulips - drugs - water

How are you doing so far?

11. hockey - peaceful - mounties

12. neutral - watches - chocolate

13. reggae - dreadlocks - weed

14. lazy - talk too fast - paella

15. drunk men - big women - vodka

Maybe just a few more?

16. beer - waffles - where on earth is that?

17. moose - blondes - IKEA

18. cigars - dictators - beaches

19. little dark men - pasta - mafia

20. kangaroos - outback - mates

And last, but not least . . .

21. fast food - rednecks - opinion about everything

How'd you do?

1. Britain

2. Norway

3. Colombia

4. India

5. Germany

6. Japan

7. France

8. Brazil

9. Mexico

10. Netherlands

11. Canada

12. Switzerland

13. Jamaica

14. Spain

15. Russia

16. Belgium

17. Sweden

18. Cuba

19. Italy

20. Australia

21. I think you probably know that one.

If your score is between 1 and 10, you probably like British food.

If your score is between 11 and 20, you know paella is not an Italian pie.

If your score is 21, you are a bona fide stereotype aficionado.

In the rare chance you really don't know where Portugal is . . .

it's dark yellow on this map - right there by Spain.

And just for the record - the Earth is ~4.5 billion years old.