And the moral of the story is . . .

Aesop.

It may surprise you to learn that Aesop, the famed fabler, was Belgian and died the year I was born.

Jus' kiddin'.

He was actually Greek and lived from 620-564 (yeah, before Jesus). And unlike Jesus and Cher, he had a first and a last name. It may surprise you to learn that his first name was Bubba.

Jus' kiddin'.

He was more like Jesus and Cher and one name was enough.

Despite even his questionable existence (Aesop), he's credited with having written hundreds of fables.

These are not them . . .

* * *

A young man working in a supermarket was approached by a customer who wanted to buy half a head of cabbage. "Sir, we can't sell half a head of cabbage," he explained. The customer persisted and the young man agreed to check with the store manager.

He found the manager and said "Sir, there's an idiot who wants to buy half a head of cabbage." Just as he finished his statement he saw that the customer had followed him. Immediately, he turned and said "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

Later, the manager said to the young man, "That was quick thinking. We need bright young men like you."

A month later the young man was summoned by the manager. "I said we need bright young men like you and I'd like to recommend you for an assistant manager's job in our new store in Montreal."

"Montreal!" the young man exclaimed. "Why, nothing comes from there except prostitutes and hockey players!"

The manager said, "Listen, young man, my wife comes from there!"

Without missing a beat, the young man replied, "No kidding! What position does she play?"

Moral of the story: Never speak more clearly than you think.

* * *

First year med students were attending their first anatomy class. They all gathered round the surgery table with a real dead dog. The professor started class by telling two important qualities of a doctor.

The first is NEVER BE DISGUSTED BY ANYTHING ABOUT THE BODY. He then inserted his finger in the dog's mouth and tasted his finger. He instructed the students to do the same. They hesitated for several minutes, but eventually everyone inserted their fingers in the dog's mouth and tasted it.

When everyone finished, the professor said . . . the second most important quality is OBSERVATION. I inserted my middle finger, but tasted my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.

Moral of the story: Life is tough, but it's tougher when you are not paying attention.

* * *

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. The cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of this story:

(1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.

(3) When you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

* * *

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered, "Sure, why not." So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

* * *

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of this story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

* * *

Prettig weekend!