Lights out!

It's all the talk around town right now.  Apparently three of the four nuclear power plants in Belgium were closed this year due to cracks and are likely to remain closed until the end of the year.  

This means Belgium will have less than half the normal nuclear capacity.  So in other words, the powers-that-be are trying to figure out how to keep me from sleeping in socks and mittens.  Thank you very much. 

Those in charge are asking people to curb their electricity usage and may even ask some industrial firms to reduce production.  Okay, now we're serious.

Here's a preliminary map indicating whose lights will go out first.  The explanation of the map is way too complicated.  The "gray" zones (which is normally all of Belgium :) are exempt due to high population density.  I have no idea what the colors mean and I'm not even totally sure where we are on this map.

But anyway, in light of this potential dark age rebirth, a few possible solutions have been proposed by those who prefer to keep the lights on.

Common Sense

One is to do stuff like not leaving the TV on even when you aren't watching, unplug your cell phone after it's charged . . . 

Or . . .

No Falling Back

Another is to simply stay on Daylight Savings Time - don't "fall back" in October.  This would mean Belgium hits the peak consumption hour an hour earlier (or later? - whatever) than the countries around it and we can import electricity from France and the Netherlands.  

Next up . . .

Yule Unplugged

Next, it is proposed we turn out the Christmas lights "in the high street and at home".  Of course, I'm totally opposed to this ridiculous solution because I really love Christmas.  Period.

So the Interior Minister says "everyone has to take responsibility" and "expects the streets in the coming Christmas to be a lot less attractive" and that "guzzling Christmas lights and large neon signs will be switched off".  Well, I NEVER!
What else?
Harness the Hoover
And actually having nothing to do with the potential power outage, a new European directive effective in September requires a maximum power of vacuum cleaners be limited to 1,600 watts and come 2017, it is further reduced to 900 watts - which is apparently all you need anyway.
Be assured I am doing my part by refraining from using a vacuum thereby giving me free rein on Christmas lighting.  Tit for tat and days being merry and bright.

While all those ideas are admirable, I have come up with THE solution to single handedly solve the Belgian electricity problem.

KURB THE KERMIS!

For those of you who live in Belgium or have ever visited Belgium in the Fall . . . Every.  Yes, every little town in the entire country has a carnival, also known as a kermis, in the Fall of every year.

Or as the Belgian dictionary describes it:

Kermis

The collective noun for a group of Belgians. A kermis of Belgians consists of a tightly packed collection of dirty caravans, giant trucks, noisy generators, wailing machines, flashing lights, strange burning smells, screaming adolescents and vast drifting crowds. The ultimate Belgian entertainment experience.

More than 500 of these plagues, lasting one to two weeks each, takes center stage.  It's just like vakantie (vacation) here.  It's a tradition, endowed by their creator.  And by God, it's happening, come hell or high water.  Or both!

The city center of every little town is transformed into carny Canaan.

So, how many kilowatts would one estimate a full-on county fair needs?  That's right.  Too much.

Christmas has got nothing on this!  It's a neon never-land.  How much juice do you think all that's pulling?

And this thing?

Or this?

Even this thing isn't running on batteries!

So, in lieu of cramping Christmas, let's put the quietus on the carnival!  

You're welcome.