Um, actually, that's not in the . . .

U. S. Constitution or the Bible.

This historical and integral document (speaking of the U. S. Constitution) along with one of the most revered books in history (the Bible, of course) are probably also the most misquoted.

Unfortunately those who do most of the quoting apparently haven't actually read either of them (me included). Perhaps even worse is that most of those listening haven't either (that's me).

I was reading about this very subject recently as more and more politicians seem to be making things up and calling them quotes from some famous person or document or book. Of course, there's always someone out there ready to set them straight. But for most of us, we didn't even know they got it wrong.

Often phrases and quotes may be similar to actual words in both of these archives, but they simply are not written as they are so often misquoted. And sometimes they just aren't even in there at all.

For example . . .

This too shall pass.

This phrase is not in the Bible. I've read it may have originated from either the writings of Persian Sufi poets or possibly the 10th century Old English poem, Deor with each stanza ending with 'That went by; so can this'. Either way, not biblical.

God helps those who help themselves.

Also not in the Bible, this phrase originates in Ancient Greece and is the moral to Aesop's fable Hercules and the Waggoner.

A waggoner was once driving a heavy load along a very muddy way. At last he came to a part of the road where the wheels sank half-way into the mire, and the more the horses pulled, the deeper sank the wheels. So the waggoner threw down his whip, and knelt down and prayed to Hercules the Strong. "O Hercules, help me in this my hour of distress," quoth he. But Hercules appeared to him, and said: "Tut, man, don't sprawl there. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel. The gods help them that help themselves."

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

While there may be references to something similar in the good book (heaven forbid - don't get me started), this phrase is actually from the 17th century poem, Hudibras, by Samuel Butler and isn't even about spanking children. See if you can figure out what it really means.

If matrimony and hanging go

By dest'ny, why not whipping too?

What med'cine else can cure the fits

Of lovers when they lose their wits?

Love is a boy by poets stil'd

Then spare the rod and spoil the child (Part II, Canto I, II.)

God works in mysterious ways.

Again, not in the Bible, this phrase is actually found in a 19th century hymn by William Cowper. Who is William Cowper? An English poet who apparently also wrote hymns.

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea

And rides upon the storm . . .

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

No, not in the Bible, this phrase may be from an ancient Hebrew proverb or from the writings of Francis Bacon or lastly, from a sermon by the 18th century evangelist John Wesley who founded Methodism. Whichever, still not biblical.

To thine own self be true.

Perhaps you never got this one mixed up. Especially if you've read much Shakespeare. You'll find this phrase in Hamlet.

Polonius: . . .

Neither a borrower nor a lender be,

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulleth edge of husbandry

This above all, to thine own self be true,

And it must follow as the night the day

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Farewell. My blessing season this in thee!

And just in case you've heard Satan entered the Garden of Eden, "he" didn't . . . Satan is never mentioned in the Garden of Eden - only a serpent. In fact, Satan is not mentioned until much later.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Marriage

Not mentioned in the U. S. Constitution at any point. Still.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Separation of church and state.

This phrase is often said to be part of the U. S. Constitution. It is not in the U. S. Constitution nor is it in the Bill of Rights (aka the first 10 Amendments to the U. S. Constitution).

The First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Oh, and the phrase "separation of church and state" - that actually appears in a letter written by Thomas Jefferson and reads . . .

"...I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church & State."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Also not in the U. S. Constitution or the Bill of Rights (still also known as the first 10 Amendments to the U. S. Constitution) is actually in the Declaration of Independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, and they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Right to a fair trial.

This phrase is not in any official document of the United States. While it may very well have been the intent, it is not stated.

The 6th Amendment (in the Bill of Rights) to the U. S. Constitution reads . . .

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and the district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have a compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And speaking of politicians just making things up . . . this statement - that the Founding Fathers "worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States." is simply false. Many of the Founding Fathers, including George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were, in fact slave owners. Slave ownership was virtually ignored until the mid-1800's.

Three guesses who made this one of many classic gaffes - and the first two guesses don't count. Heaven help us.

Heaven help us. Also not in the Bible.

BTW, slavery is pretty much rampant in the Bible and definitely not condemned in it. The U. S. Constitution can claim the same fame.

Boy, how times have changed. Thank . . . somebody.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Now, I'm no constitutional scholar and certainly no biblical scholar (remember I grew up Catholic so I'm excused), but if I've "misquoted", by all means set the record straight.

Or if you'd like to read these actual documents yourself - by all means . . .

Bible

U. S. Constitution

Pigeonhole

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and it is all organized and run by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss and all of it is organized by the Italians.

Stereotypes. Many Americans (me included) are profoundly ignorant about geography, but by contrast, we sure know the stereotypes for most countries.

While most Europeans don't think all Americans are gun-totin', Bible-thumpin', conservative cowboys, they do find it incredible that many educated Americans don't know where Portugal is, can't speak at least one foreign language, and believe the Earth is 6,000 years old.

Since Europe isn't just one big country like the U.S., it's hard to say what Americans think of Europeans as a group, but with each separate country comes some interesting pigeonholes.

Can you guess the country strictly by these stereotypical words? Grab a pencil and see how you do.

1. tea - biscuits - stiff

2. cold - expensive - vikings

3. drugs - coffee - jungles

4. call centers - slums - everybody owns a little store

5. efficiency - leather pants - industrious

Try a few more?

6. hard workers - raw fish - smart

7. cuisine - wine - rude

8. carnival - logging - football

9. poor - tacos - moustaches

10. tulips - drugs - water

How are you doing so far?

11. hockey - peaceful - mounties

12. neutral - watches - chocolate

13. reggae - dreadlocks - weed

14. lazy - talk too fast - paella

15. drunk men - big women - vodka

Maybe just a few more?

16. beer - waffles - where on earth is that?

17. moose - blondes - IKEA

18. cigars - dictators - beaches

19. little dark men - pasta - mafia

20. kangaroos - outback - mates

And last, but not least . . .

21. fast food - rednecks - opinion about everything

How'd you do?

1. Britain

2. Norway

3. Colombia

4. India

5. Germany

6. Japan

7. France

8. Brazil

9. Mexico

10. Netherlands

11. Canada

12. Switzerland

13. Jamaica

14. Spain

15. Russia

16. Belgium

17. Sweden

18. Cuba

19. Italy

20. Australia

21. I think you probably know that one.

If your score is between 1 and 10, you probably like British food.

If your score is between 11 and 20, you know paella is not an Italian pie.

If your score is 21, you are a bona fide stereotype aficionado.

In the rare chance you really don't know where Portugal is . . .

it's dark yellow on this map - right there by Spain.

And just for the record - the Earth is ~4.5 billion years old.

Belgium, I owe you an apology

I have complained about the weather off and on since we got here. Now, don't get me wrong, it can be pretty depressing with months on end of rain and gray skies, but I can't remember the last time I broke a sweat.

Jim and I were talking about the heat wave in the States, mostly across the South, that may set a new record. I said to Jim that I don't remember it ever being that hot for that many days. He said he definitely remembered when it was. The reason - he was working at the glass plant. I figure that was pretty hot. He even remembered it was 1980.

Well, I googled it and it was indeed in 1980. The year we got married. In Dallas, Texas, the temperature reached 100 degrees a total of 69 days that year including a record 42 consecutive days. Three of those days that year, the temperature was 113 degrees. Today, they should see 110.

Yesterday was our second really warm day here in a while and I was glad to finally be able to go out without a sweater. The high was 83.

So, despite knowing I will probably complain again one of these days when it's been cold, rainy, and gray for 69 consecutive days, I will also be thankful not to break a sweat.

Brave and Blue

We finally filled up our first Smurf-kaartje at the supermarket. And it didn't even take the full €800 ($1,155) to do it either.

Probably closer to €775. Turns out some products offer DOUBLE stempels and we took advantage of it.

Of course that means we now have a lifetime supply of this

and this

But it had to be done.

And now we have this

Gutsy. A new Smurf character for the 2011 movie. He's described as "brave to a fault", wears a Scottish kilt and has the accent to match. Sideburns . . . and for such a young age.

And just a reminder of that great Scottish accent . . .

Homegrown

Do you ever think about something you haven't thought of in years and google it? I did that last week . . .

In the late 90's we lived in Magnolia, Arkansas. Now you might think that's the armpit of America and there was a time when I'd say you're probably right.

When I learned we were moving to Magnolia, I asked Jim to go ahead and move, find a house and I'd make my first visit on moving day. And that's pretty much what happened.

Magnolia has a population of 11,000 and most everybody living there was born there and has no intention of leaving. It has a little college, but not too much more.

Jim was fortunate enough, if you will, to find a couple getting a divorce who wanted to sell their house quickly and we felt like we got a bargain. It had 8 ft ceilings, 7 different wallpapers and 20 yr old rust carpet, but it's the only house we've ever lived in with an in-ground pool and we were pretty excited about that.

Turns out, it was one of the best moves and 3 years we've spent anywhere. Okay, we've liked everywhere we've lived and Magnolia is no exception. Jim enjoyed his work, kayaked and fished. The kids made friends and did well in school. I became an aerobics instructor and worked part-time for a real estate office. Life was good.

At this real estate office is where this story really begins. My job was to answer the phone, make appointments for house showings, and keep the website updated. Besides me, there were 3 realtors and a handy man named Tommy. Tommy had gone to high school with the broker and had always worked for him in some capacity since then. He was just a good old guy who would dig a ditch, change your car battery or pick the kids up at school. Whatever was needed.

Early one morning, I think is was a Saturday, one of the realtors called me and said "Tommy's daughter has been raped and murdered." That's all she knew.

Tommy and his wife had one child and she was 15 years old.

Well, it turned out to be true . . . mostly. She had not been raped, but she had been murdered and it was brutal. This 15 year old girl was pregnant and the boyfriend, who came from a strict and devout family, decided the best - no, the only thing to do was to kill her.

He planned it for weeks, along with his best friend. They even dug a shallow grave together. When the designated day came, he fooled her into thinking they were going for an abortion. She left a note for her parents "not to worry". They drove to an isolated area where he bludgeoned her to death with a pipe and to ensure she was definitely dead, ran over her head with his car.

Bragging to his friends, not more than a few hours later, he was in custody. He was 16 years old. He plead guilty to all of it and received life without parole. And so did his 17 year old friend/accomplice. Life without parole.

The newspaper interviewed the local sheriff at the time of the incident and he alleged that "The boy's stringent religious upbringing and his desire to become a preacher may have pushed him over the edge. A pregnancy would have been the equivalent of 'wearing the scarlet letter."

I simply cannot wrap my head around the fact that these boys thought murder was somehow better than pregnancy and/or an abortion. I will never understand what kind of upbringing would manifest itself into this twisted mentality.

But it did. He never denied this explanation.

Every once in a while I think about all of them. All these years those boys have been in prison. And the next time I think about them, they will still be right there in prison.

And they should be. But what a waste. In a moment of fear, stupidity, immaturity . . . three people lost their lives.

Mostly I thought about Tommy and his wife who have mourned the loss of their only child for 11 years. Life as they knew it ended that day. And the next time I think about them, they will still be mourning that loss.

Strangely enough, my Google search produced a newspaper article from Magnolia, dated last week too. A hearing was held to consider the release of the second boy involved - the "friend" of the boy who actually committed the murder.

Apparently the murderer is attempting to recant his testimony to say his "friend" didn't help him quite as much as he testified to. Cited is a 2010 case in Florida. The Supreme Court ruled if an accomplice was a juvenile at the time of the crime, he should have the possibility for parole.

I can never decide how I feel about things like this. I do believe he is as guilty as the murderer because he helped, but mostly because he knew and could have stopped it. At the same time, he was just a kid . . . and at the same time, Tommy's daughter is dead.

I wonder how Tommy feels about this.

I'm sure I'll think of them again one day and probably google it.